06 - Rarity Journal - July 22, 2019 - One in the Same

Even as you find yourself, there is always potential to discover even more...
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06 - Rarity Journal - July 22, 2019 - One in the Same

Post by codenameRarity » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:46 pm

First things first, I apologize ahead of time if my wording feel different than normal, I recently had my jaw looked at for pain and have been given muscle relaxers to help ease it. While I'm no longer in constant pain, moving around and especially typing is taking more effort than in the past. In any event, here it is!

Now, for finding and accepting oneself, some rely on different methods. There's meditation, hypnosis, exploring metaphysics. Heck, some may look towards questionable resources. Or maybe one simply just goes along with what feels right. In any event, it shouldn't matter how; it simply happens.

Years ago, I was certain that I had found just that. Don't get me wrong, it was the happiest day in my life at the time. I look back fondly at that time and I still feel that moment. However, I guess afterwards I had stopped exploring myself. As years went by and by, it was becoming harder and harder to continue on with my life confidently. I struggled getting the simplest tasks done, even tasks I normally enjoy. My depression was starting to overtake me more and more, to the point I had no longer looked forward to doing anything since I had to practically act out my emotions (considering I have Asperger's, this is especially daunting for me).

This decision to go down this path as Rarity, it was certainly random and out of nowhere. Something about it felt right at the time. As I have said in past entries, I started off with Twilight as I was struggling in classes. Now that I'm out of classes, I was struggling with my creativity. Going down this Rarity path seemed like a perfect fit. And to be quite honest, it certainly was!

Looking back, yes I had similarities to Twilight, but looking at myself deeper and deeper, I find more points where I fit better as Rarity! To compare: Rarity in the show works as a fashion designer. She takes pride in her work and makes certain everything she creates is spot on down to the exact stitching to which most ponies would not think twice about. For myself, when it comes to coding, game design, and whatnot, I try to strive every pixel shows up on screen exactly how I want it to be. It might be nit-picky, but I want to make certain when I release something that it is my best work and not something mediocre.

I have always seen these files as a method of exploring, and even accepting, your own personal self, or even a self that you've rejected in the past. The you, yourself, that you are is integral to the person, or pony, that strives in this world and many other dimensions/worlds/timelines/past lives/universes and the like. It is the acceptance of this, I feel, will make a much more satisfying life for you and others you connect to.

I recently had more or less of an epiphany.
"Don't be afraid to express your inner beauty."
"You are the you that you make yourself to be.
You are in control of that.
You are in control of everything in your life."
"Working together;
One in the Same."
It's hard to describe exactly what happened, but it was certainly powerful. The best I can describe is this: my Rarity side more or less has merged with my previous self. This is something I expected (however, not this soon), but welcomed all the same. My body/spirit self no longer has to worry about trying to fit an impossible, but acceptance of who I am and the path I will follow.

My previous self is not gone, but is the now and even stronger than before!

And with that, I leave you all with my advice for those exploring your own paths: Go forth with the you that makes you the happiest and the most accepting of yourself.

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Re: 06 - Rarity Journal - July 22, 2019 - One in the Same

Post by Rainbowfast » Sun Jun 14, 2020 3:34 pm

Through every paragraph of your journal, I found myself realizing that you already talk in a proper form, in the ways I'd imagine Rarity to type.

Maybe you were closer to her than you thought.

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