9/6/2019 - The Queen's Adventures, and Melancholy

[Nightmare Moon]

It has been a tumultuous 3 weeks.

The day after I penned my initial journal posts, myself, the court, and my immediate relatives took a leave of absence, to the US State of California. It was a celebration of my younger brother's graduation from Secondary Education (IE, High School), as well as his decision to pursue higher education, including an Associate's Degree in Criminal Justice. It was enjoyable. It was relaxing. And it gave me time to think.

I used the same time to explore various facets of Equestria. I found myself in small towns. In large cities. And in two notable examples, I found myself in the heart of a malicious pony's dungeon, and the slave mines of a changeling hive. It was grueling. It was humiliating. And it gave me time to think.

My vacation reintroduced me to a friend, and validated many of the issues I've had with my individual family members. Issues of violent, retaliatory behavior; of incomprehensible belief structures; of appeals to higher powers that have no answers. I found somebody I could not only relate to, but who understood better the methods of logic, reasoning, faith, and the fears and worries I have - and who was able to espouse it, where as I remain quiet to avoid unnecessary tensions.

My expeditions within the fantasy of being Nightmare Moon, wandering Equestria, also brought me face to face with some frustrations I've had with the nature of power, and power exchange. It can be fun to play at being powerless, and to play at having another over you, even for one like Nightmare Moon, being inherently powerful. However, she is powerful for a reason. She is prideful for a reason. And it is difficult to overcome that pride for the sake of entertainment. In the case of that changeling hive, involving a kind of manipulation and deep brainwashing, I ultimately decided the play was not worth the intensely uncomfortable feelings it evoked.

These 3 weeks have forced me to reconsider a number of things. My personal beliefs, my stances on roleplay, and my boundaries. Was it enjoyable? Usually. Was it uncomfortable? Occasionally. Was it worthwhile? Yes.

I must continue to reflect upon this.

[Rainbowfast]

Wow.

Been awhile since new posts have been made.